Someone Told Me...

That I shouldn't be embarrassed. That it happens to everyone at least once in their life, and that just because you are poor, doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you don't deserve a little help when you need it. I can remember telling others that same thing before, but at that time, I didn't have a problem.
I applied for food stamps today. Yep, me. My husband is mad at me, and he is depressed. But I just told him that this isn't his fault and he didn't do anything wrong. Our kids are sick, we are homeless, and we needed help, just like other people do when they can't find a job. Now our kids have medical insurance and food for 6 months and we don't have to worry that they won't have lunch money or that if they get hurt again, the x-rays will go straight to the collections department.
I suppose that someone was also right when she told me that she would rather I was getting help than some drug dealer on the street who could get a real job but instead chooses to live off of the system and sell drugs to kids on a street corner. What really makes me mad are those who get social security or workers comp and they don't have a real problem, they just don't want to work. My husband went to work with a head injury...taking his chances every day that he would die. He also severed every tendon in his ankle, but is still out looking for a job. There are people who really need that money from the government and can''t get it because someone who doesn't need it is using it. It just isn't right. It isn't fair.
I am still embarrassed, but at least I can say that I tried to get help and that I am taking care of my kids. That's a good thing, right?

Why Is Christmas So Great??

I have always loved Christmas time. It didn't matter what was going on in my life, this time of year just seemed to make it all melt away. It still does, but I am so busy that I don't have time to enjoy it at all. With three kids, you have three times the stress, aggrivation and work. I have two girls who love the same things, and when I see something I really want to buy for one, I wind up buying two so that they don't argue over it later. I also have a boy who is what I would call very lazy most times. He likes to sit and do nothing most of the time. If there is a pool in the yard, he will go in and get wet and stand in the yard for an hour. If I ask him to read, he refuses...if there are cars in the house, he won't play with them unless the girls play too and he can tell them to park where he wants them and only drive when he tells them to. He loves video games...so much that he gets a nervous tick and will rub his forhead until he bleeds, so we have put a stop to that all together. no video games.
My mother used to always make things at Christmas. Fudge, peanut brittle, four kinds of pie, chocolate covered peanuts and cherries, and cookies. So now, I am expected to keep that going cause Grandma does it. I can't bake worth a crap, but I can make some cookies. Well, that means about 3 hours of making, baking, decorating and cleaning up the kids' mess. The wrapping of presents would be an easy task if it weren't for three kids who think that they have to do it and then need my help on every one. I also get to do the honors of putting up the Christmas tree and help them decorate it. Then there are three seperate Christmas programs to go to on different days and treats to make and parties to volunteer for. Whew!
Christmas Eve is my only real day off this time of year. My oldest daughter goes to visit her father and my son goes to visit his mother. We usually visit with my in-laws while they are gone. No work for me that day until Santa is supposed to show. The only hard part about that is trying to put the toys out without hitting every button on each toy, and running outside to try them out before I put them under the tree. Almost got caught last year when batteries were low and one toy wouldn't stop talking while I was in the other room.
Then there is Christmas morning. LOL, I actually got lucky, my kids never wake me...I always wake them up about 7 in the morning! I remember waking my parents at 3 a.m. and then going back to bed until they were ready to get up! We start the Turkey early so that we can eat early and spend the rest of the day in agony and taking naps and then go back for more food. The kids spend the whole day running all over the house making noise and fighting over who gets to try what toy and when.
Still, I love this time of year. The lights, the displays, the parades, the charities, the (REAL) tree, the food, the candy, the gifts, the snow and especially the smiles on every child's face when they realize there are only a few more days until their dreams become a reality. It really is a great time of peace, hope, joy, love and giving. Cherish every Christmas ( and every other day) whether you believe or not, because life is short and there may not be a tomorrow.

Christmas??

Okay, so things are probably the worst that they have ever been for my family. My husband is still unable to find a job, The bank is coming to get our truck and snowmobile, I can't find a job that will allow me to work only while the kids are at school, we are still living with my parents and I think they are getting upset with us, we ran out of money yesterday and I used the last of my child support to buy 2 gifts for my kids. 2...That's all they will get this year from me. I am usually so happy this time of year, but I just wish Christmas would disappear this year. I have no home, no money, and my kids are sleeping on the floor instead of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. It seems like the last two years of our life have been nothing but one bad turn after another and no matter how much we try, we can't dig ourselves out of it. He refuses to let me apply for assistance...it's a man thing, and he has called everyone he has ever worked for or with to find a job, but no one needs him. He has never had a hard time finding a job before so when we came back to Montana, we didn't have a worry in the world that he would get something.
Anyway, I kind of decided that if I don't have any good things to post, I just won't. So that is what I will be doing. No writing unless something good happens or I want to vent about something besides myself.