Someone Told Me...

That I shouldn't be embarrassed. That it happens to everyone at least once in their life, and that just because you are poor, doesn't mean you are a bad person or that you don't deserve a little help when you need it. I can remember telling others that same thing before, but at that time, I didn't have a problem.
I applied for food stamps today. Yep, me. My husband is mad at me, and he is depressed. But I just told him that this isn't his fault and he didn't do anything wrong. Our kids are sick, we are homeless, and we needed help, just like other people do when they can't find a job. Now our kids have medical insurance and food for 6 months and we don't have to worry that they won't have lunch money or that if they get hurt again, the x-rays will go straight to the collections department.
I suppose that someone was also right when she told me that she would rather I was getting help than some drug dealer on the street who could get a real job but instead chooses to live off of the system and sell drugs to kids on a street corner. What really makes me mad are those who get social security or workers comp and they don't have a real problem, they just don't want to work. My husband went to work with a head injury...taking his chances every day that he would die. He also severed every tendon in his ankle, but is still out looking for a job. There are people who really need that money from the government and can''t get it because someone who doesn't need it is using it. It just isn't right. It isn't fair.
I am still embarrassed, but at least I can say that I tried to get help and that I am taking care of my kids. That's a good thing, right?

Why Is Christmas So Great??

I have always loved Christmas time. It didn't matter what was going on in my life, this time of year just seemed to make it all melt away. It still does, but I am so busy that I don't have time to enjoy it at all. With three kids, you have three times the stress, aggrivation and work. I have two girls who love the same things, and when I see something I really want to buy for one, I wind up buying two so that they don't argue over it later. I also have a boy who is what I would call very lazy most times. He likes to sit and do nothing most of the time. If there is a pool in the yard, he will go in and get wet and stand in the yard for an hour. If I ask him to read, he refuses...if there are cars in the house, he won't play with them unless the girls play too and he can tell them to park where he wants them and only drive when he tells them to. He loves video games...so much that he gets a nervous tick and will rub his forhead until he bleeds, so we have put a stop to that all together. no video games.
My mother used to always make things at Christmas. Fudge, peanut brittle, four kinds of pie, chocolate covered peanuts and cherries, and cookies. So now, I am expected to keep that going cause Grandma does it. I can't bake worth a crap, but I can make some cookies. Well, that means about 3 hours of making, baking, decorating and cleaning up the kids' mess. The wrapping of presents would be an easy task if it weren't for three kids who think that they have to do it and then need my help on every one. I also get to do the honors of putting up the Christmas tree and help them decorate it. Then there are three seperate Christmas programs to go to on different days and treats to make and parties to volunteer for. Whew!
Christmas Eve is my only real day off this time of year. My oldest daughter goes to visit her father and my son goes to visit his mother. We usually visit with my in-laws while they are gone. No work for me that day until Santa is supposed to show. The only hard part about that is trying to put the toys out without hitting every button on each toy, and running outside to try them out before I put them under the tree. Almost got caught last year when batteries were low and one toy wouldn't stop talking while I was in the other room.
Then there is Christmas morning. LOL, I actually got lucky, my kids never wake me...I always wake them up about 7 in the morning! I remember waking my parents at 3 a.m. and then going back to bed until they were ready to get up! We start the Turkey early so that we can eat early and spend the rest of the day in agony and taking naps and then go back for more food. The kids spend the whole day running all over the house making noise and fighting over who gets to try what toy and when.
Still, I love this time of year. The lights, the displays, the parades, the charities, the (REAL) tree, the food, the candy, the gifts, the snow and especially the smiles on every child's face when they realize there are only a few more days until their dreams become a reality. It really is a great time of peace, hope, joy, love and giving. Cherish every Christmas ( and every other day) whether you believe or not, because life is short and there may not be a tomorrow.

Christmas??

Okay, so things are probably the worst that they have ever been for my family. My husband is still unable to find a job, The bank is coming to get our truck and snowmobile, I can't find a job that will allow me to work only while the kids are at school, we are still living with my parents and I think they are getting upset with us, we ran out of money yesterday and I used the last of my child support to buy 2 gifts for my kids. 2...That's all they will get this year from me. I am usually so happy this time of year, but I just wish Christmas would disappear this year. I have no home, no money, and my kids are sleeping on the floor instead of waking up in their own beds on Christmas morning. It seems like the last two years of our life have been nothing but one bad turn after another and no matter how much we try, we can't dig ourselves out of it. He refuses to let me apply for assistance...it's a man thing, and he has called everyone he has ever worked for or with to find a job, but no one needs him. He has never had a hard time finding a job before so when we came back to Montana, we didn't have a worry in the world that he would get something.
Anyway, I kind of decided that if I don't have any good things to post, I just won't. So that is what I will be doing. No writing unless something good happens or I want to vent about something besides myself.

What a week...

I think when you visit family you should only stay about 5 days. 2 to chat about all you've been up to, one to relax, one to pack up and one to say goodbye. LOL After that everyone gets uncomfortable and cranky. That is where I am. We are leaving tomorrow to go back to utah and I am tired, cranky, and wishing for my own space again. My mother is doing well compared to what I thought would happen, but she is not used to all the noise and clutter and I am sure she can't wait for us to leave.

My husband did what he came to do. He bagged a 5x5 Bull Elk the other day that is going to cost us nearly 300 bucks after it is cut up and packaged. Oh well, he had a good time and he worked hard for that money so I guess he deserves it. This is my son's first year hunting and he seems to be pretty slow and can't quite get close enough to shoot anything even when it stands and waits for him. He is a perfectionist so things have to be just right or he won't pull the trigger. He doesn't understand that this is our entire years meat and that he just has to do it.

I have been packing all morning and it seems like we are ready to go when something else is found that needs a box. Our truck is short and I am not sure how in the world all of this is going to fit...plus we have a cat and a dog that have to fit in there somewhere. This should be lots of fun, huh?!

See you in Utah in a few days! I will post some Halloween and Elk pictures then.

Finally Home

Wow...what a night. Three kids crammed in a pickup, a dog and cat in the back, countless bags and my husband and I drove all night to get back to Montana. It was about 4 in the morning when I hit the continental divide and realized just how much I missed those beautiful mountains full of trees. We did stop on a dirt road and let the animals out to do their duty and I told my husband that I suddenly had an urge to go camping.
Right now I am so tired I can hardly type this blog messege. But dinner still isn't made and Survivor is on tonight and you know I can't miss that. Hubby can't wait to get to the sports store and start spending money on hunting supplies. Why would anyone want to go camping in the cold and rain?? He apparently has the fever and he can't wait to do just that. I can't wait for the kids to go visit other family so that I can go for a walk alone. It has been three months since I have done that. I love having my kids with me but I think every mother has days that they wish they could just be alone. Today is one of those days. A nap, that's what I need...A nap.

Only 7 Days...

Just seven days until we drive home to Montana for a visit. We are all excited, but no one more than the kids who keep asking if they can stay there and not come back. My husband is also pretty happy because he is so stressed out and can’t wait to go hunting. It is his time to relax, although I jut don’t understand using hunting and relaxing in the same sentence. I have tried it and it is anything but relaxing. Tiring? Yes. An adrenaline rush? Most definitely. But relaxing……ah, no.
Mostly my husband keeps talking about how he just wants to be out in the woods without saying he is going to work. I can understand that. Someone who loves the woods can learn to hate it when they have to be out in it from morning to night in snow and rain and cold and heat.
I just want to go home so that I can have someone to talk to that has the same interests as me and respect for kids in the room when they talk. People who want to talk to me and don’t roll their eyes when I come in the door.
Christmas is coming and I will not be in any craft fairs this year and my candle business is non existent just like my hubby thought it would be. He said it wouldn’t go because I didn’t have to time or money to start it. He was right. I don’t even have any scrapbooking things done so even if I could find a fair here, I couldn’t enter it. There goes my extra Christmas money.
I called my sister today because I could not remember how to make a certain recipe she gave me. She sounded happy and seems to love her job and schooling. I sure wish I was closer to her; we are old enough now that we might actually be great friends. I also think she would enjoy being around my girls….although she says she never wanted any girls because they “squeal” all the time. Well, I can’t argue with that one, but she likes pretty clothes and doing hair, so I think she would have a blast with my girls just like I did with her boys. I miss her.

Things are nuts...

Wow, it seems like things never seem to go our way. Just when we think that the money is starting to roll in, something goes wrong and we have a week of no work. But some good news...The new Stroker (delimber) came today and the guys are having a blast trying it out. It sure is funny how men get so excited about pieces of heavy equipment. They are all like kids in a candy store.
We were supposed to be home in Montana this week, but things didn't work out that way and so now the plans have changed. We hope to be back there for two week at the end of October while the men go on their annual hunting and camping trip. There is another exciting thing for men...Hunting Elk. They just get so giddy when they hear that huge animal Bugle and charge at them. Every year it is the same routine. They start getting excited about September and watch a ton of hunting videos, then they start buying things and cleaning guns, until the time comes when they decide to go camping and spend a week without showers and wearing female elk urine to attrack the big one. Then when the snow finally hits, they are out the door and don't come back for a couple of weeks. I guess it's a man thing.
With my husband, the snowmobile season starts right after that and he is gone again. I suppose I would rather he did that than went out partying and chasing other women so I let him do it without any complaints from me.
The kids are getting excited about Halloween now and have even decided what they want to be. I love watching them get happy about holidays because my parents did everything in their power to make holidays special for me. I sometimes wonder if they felt the same way about us kids as I do about mine when they smile.

Possibilities??

They are all around, and apparently if you pray hard enough and wait very patiently.....good things will eventually come to you. I think that might be happening to me. A couple of years ago when my husband was hit by a tree everything seems to spiral downhill, hit bottom and then keep going even farther than that. We were in bad shape. We had lots of help from family and friends but it wasn't enough to fix things.
Then we decided to move to utah.....we hated that idea, but the logging is good here because the old mill owners stole from a lot of people and then the land owners didn't want to go through that again and just let the bugs kill their trees. Now we are making more money than we did before, but we have to deal with rude and inconsiderate people. We have to wait around to use the phone, share the hot water (showering is tough), and listen to things on television we don't want to listen to. Then another possibility jumped up at us. The trailer next door is rented but they are thinking of moving out next week. So....sneaky me.....I called the landlord and put my name in for it. It is pretty dumpy, and Hubby refused to rent it for me when I first got here. But since we have lived with these other people, he has changed his mind and can't wait for the dumpy trailer to open up. LOL I thought so, told him so.....LOL
It isn't town like I wanted, but since the kids are homeschooling and since we might not be here the entire winter.....no one knows what we are really doing. This will work for now. I am just glad to be with my husband. I don't think I could handle staying three states away from him and only seeing him once a month.
Another possiblity is showing it's head also. Even though hubby doesn't want to waste gas until his hunting trip, he is thinking of taking us home next week for a few days. It won't be as long as I wanted, but we will be home at the end of the month for 10 days, so we can handle that. I miss home, the kids miss home, but sometimes you just have to do what you have to do to survive.

Autumn

Well, it looks like fall is sneaking up on us. A few days ago we had summer weather and yesterday it froze. It is only 40 degrees now and windy on the lake. I hate winter, cold, wet, sick kids, etc. My husband would like it to snow all year. You would think he would like summer because he works outside all year, but no.....he is really into hunting and snowmobiling and that is all he thinks about. My father in law asked me if we would consider staying in this house all winter, since the heating costs are going to be lots more, and we could all share the expense. I understand his thinking, but I do not want to drive to town on that scarey road and I do not think I could stand my brother in law that long. So.....I am still looking. Only a few more days until we get to go home to Montana to visit everyone and get more of our things. I miss my scrapbooking stuff and my kitchen supplies, but I know they won't all come back with me. I can't wait to see everyone. My kids are sooooo excited!

Strange Places

I used to think it was fun to travel to strange places, see new people, eat at new restautants, etc.....But now I realize it is just a pain. At home I knew where everything was and I was the one giving directions. Here, I can be two doors down and have to ask someone where a store is. I am the stranger here. Today we were in need of a CB antenae so we ran to WalMart of course. They didn't have a single antanae in the superstore! I thought wally world had it all. So we drove around until we found a Radio Shack, we got what we needed and headed out to get gas. Well, as you know the prices are sky high so we went to every station in town to see who was the cheapest.....actually costing us the extra few cents just driving around.....LOL
We then needed a flat file and no one at sears or walmart new what we were talking about. hmmmmmm........
Anyway, it was then way past lunch time and my daughter is ill and has to have lunch at a certain time so we were off to KFC for lunch on the run. By the time we made it home it was storming and cold. It was 85 in town and 60 at home. another hmmmmmm....
I spoke to my sister today and she said she felt like she was invading my privacy by reading this blog. LOL....I have no privacy honey, so don't worry about that! hahaha My life is an open book it seems like. my kids follow me to the bathroom even!

What is it?

What is it about certain people? Some people just have to be jerks, no matter where they are or who they are talking to. I have a certain person in mind, of course. He is disrespectful to everyone, kid or adult, he is rude, inconsiderate of other's feelings, and thinks he is the best at everything. He treats women like slaves, and adults like he is older than them and they are stupid.....and he is only 18! Have you ever had that uncontrollable urge to stab someone when they weren't looking, I mean seriously kill someone??? Well, I have.
This guy was talking with his father today and when his father would tell him to stop and listen, he would make fun of him and laugh and ignore him. He talked about his sister as if she was a cheap hussy and when asked to stop, he just says "don't tell me how to talk, nobody tells me what to do!" As if he is 50 years old and has the right to treat anyone with that kind of disrespect. It makes me so angry I could just punch him in the mouth. I just don't understand how his brother and father can sit by and let him talk to them and about their family members that way. They don't do anything. If it was my father.....well, let's just say he may be getting up there in age, but you wouldn't be using that mouth for long if you talked like that to him.
Which brings me to another certain person. My dad. I love my dad. He can be a pain in my side sometimes, a little overbearing, but he is such a great dad and grandfather. From what I hear, he can cuss like a logger.....but I have yet to hear it. He doesn't talk that way in front of women, or kids. He has instilled in me a love for family and respect for elders, and also taught me how to be independent and strong, but still sensitive. I can change a tire, oil, shoot a gun, fix a water heater, paint a house, and make my way in the woods because of him. He also taught me how to act like a lady with that......"Keep your legs together, sit like a lady", and smacking me every time I said a foul word. He always made sure memories happened, even when I fought to stay home. We never sat around, we were always busy doing something, and it had to be with the whole family. My husband is getting better at that, but he still needs a little training. LOL

Anyway, We had a family day yesterday and now it back to the grind. I have a sick kid to take care of today and the doctor is closed.....doesn't it always figure? You only get sick on holiday weekends? Just our luck.

And More For Today...

Sometimes you meet people that are so nice it shocks you. People that you dreaded meeting before you did.
Today my father in law got a call that had to be returned immediately. I decided to run up to the job with the kids, knowing that the land owner was going to be home and I didn't want to intrude on his property like I did the other day. Well, when we got there, not only did he fix the swing set for the kids, turn on the trailer water so the girls could use the toilet, and offer us a pop, but he also picked me the last Iris in his flower garden! He talked to me for a good hour, showed me where the keys to the house are hidden and which spring has the best water on his property. Probably close to the sweetest man I have ever met. Must have tons of patience because he has 10 kids and 35 grandkids. Hubby says he must be populating the world! LOL
We had a wonderful day and no rain or wind. Just goes to show that things are not always as bad as they seem and doing something you dread just might be good for you.

Busy, Busy

It has been a very busy couple of days. The guys worked Saturday and would have worked Sunday also but a hose broke on the loader and they couldn't get the part that day. Last night the loader operator cooked some huge steaks on the grill. They were really good and even better because I didn't have to cook them. My oldest girl had three helpings and wound up with another stomach ache.
Might take the kids swimming today in between doing laundry and dishes, and cleaning up the house. That shouldn't be too hard, the girls are loving the dusting, sweeping, and swiffering. Just afraid of the rash the youngest will get when she goes in the lake. Not sure what is in that water, everyone swims in it, but she gets a rash all over.
By the way.....what is the deal with men? Why do they always have to be looking at your chest when you are facing forward and your butt when you are turned around? I feel so self conscious sometimes and have to leave the room. Especially this morning when me and the skinny girl were making lunches. All the men were in the room watching us.....of course, just being with skinny girl makes me feel bad.....but not one guy said a word. They just stared at us!

Family Time

It seems like we don't get much of it. Hubby is either working or doing his own thing, or I am too tired or not feeling well. But yesterday we had a wonderful day and I can't wait to get out and do it again. We took the kids up on his job and spent the day watching him cut down dead trees, skid them and even took a trip down to the creek for awhile. The kids had a blast and so did we.
It looks like I may not have to worry about the brother in law too much longer. Another truck driver is coming and needs a place to stay so we can either find him a place to rent or one for ourselves. Sounds great to me and the brother in law wants us to go, so I will be spending the day trying to find a place close to the job. The highway is very good but winds and turns cause a ton of accidents in summer.....which means winter is worse and I would rather not have hubby driving it every day to work so town is pretty much out of the question.
We spent the evening searching for answers last night. Why does it seem like it is right in front of you until you want to see it? We found a huge spider on the wall last night and I caught it in a water bottle. Only to find out it looks a lot like a recluse. They said they don't have them here, but some guy got bit by one the other day and so I had to know for sure. We checked it out really good and the eyes are not the same, but besides that it is just like one. I am calling the university today and having them check it out for me just to make sure. I just got away from the cousin of this darn thing and I don't need to go from bad to worse!!
I am starting to miss my scrapbooking so bad I could scream!! I can't wait to go home for a visit and bring my supplies back with me. The kids are very excited about a visit and would like to stay longer, but I think a week is all we can do without putting ourselves in another financial bind. It isn't like we aren't already, but the whole reason for moving here was to try and fix what went wrong.

Another Day

Well, I took the girls to town yesterday and we went grocery shopping. Stopped at the dollar store and it totally surprised me when the only thing the youngest asked for was a stool so that she could reach the sink when she brushes her teeth. Of course, I bought it.
I have been chasing Magpies off of the porch all morning. They steal the dog's food, eat the garbage and now are stealing the kids' mudpuppies out of the bowl. Now I am wishing I had not made such a big deal out of my husband and son shooting at them. LOL
One of the new workers is paying me to do his laundry and dishes now. I don't mind, I don't have anything else to do, but I like the idea of having some spending cash so I didn't say anything. The kids are doing well with their schoolwork, and the only part I don't like about homeschooling is that my step son will sit here for over an hour a day and only read one page, refuse to do the writing, etc. I have tried every form of discipline that is legal and nothing works, he is extremely disrespectful and doesn't care what I do. I am sure he will learn soon that if he would just do it, he could go on about his business a lot faster. But for now, he is testing me.
No trouble with the brother in law yesterday either, but he was sick so he spent most of his time in his room.
I may blog a bit more later......For now, I am going napping.

From Montana to Utah

Ok, so it isn't the smartest move I have ever made. But my husband has a great idea and we pack up and take off with the kids in tow. Everyone is mad at me, I am being selfish supposedly. But I know I can take care of my kids and I really want to be with my husband so here I am.
The drive was good, although long and tiring. Sleeping in the car was no fun, and my cat almost died. But hey, we made it.
I think I may have to kill a certain brother in law soon. He is very rude, inconsiderate and annoying. He does things to make me angry. I guess at his age he thinks it's pretty funny. Like going to the store last night........I do the cooking so I give him a list of things it is his turn to buy. Hamburger is one of them, also eggs, carrots, and pop. He doesn't like the pop so he doesn't get it, he thinks we have enough eggs, so doesn't get those, no carrots, and 1 pound of hamburger to feed all these people. OK, so I blow up and I won't make dinner tonight with the excuse that I didn't have what I needed, right?
We live on a lake, so the kids and I took a swim yesterday.....ok, so I watched. I hate water. I swim really well, just hate getting wet. My oldest girl took a header into the fish pond a few days ago and I think I did really well getting her out without getting in too far.
My husband works in the woods and found the cutest baby bunny the other day. He brought it home to our youngest daughter and she was soooo excited. But over night it suddenly disappears, and with a lid and a brick on top of the box, I know someone let it go. She is heartbroken and I think it is the loader operator who did it. He didn't like the idea of a wild rabbit that might have rabies around his rabbit eating dog.
Well, the sun is just coming up on the lake and I think I will wake the kids and head off to town to pick up that hamburger and stuff. LOL